C'est La Mort
by bejome
Summary: Raphael wakes up at home injured and confused from a battle he can't remember. Slowly he pieces the story together while talking with Michelangelo, but there's still a few parts of the puzzle missing. What is his baby brother not telling him? One shot. Character death.


Raphael shuddered against the pain. He couldn't quite remember how he'd gotten home, though he was certain his brothers were involved. There weren't too many self-conscious Foot-clan that would have a change of heart and carry a giant mutant ninja turtle home, after all. Still, he would have liked to be able to piece together the events of the night a little better than he was currently able. It was likely that he had Donatello's pain meds to thank for that.

Some of those hits to the head might have had something to do with it as well.

The last thing he could easily recall was Michelangelo being with him, and a lot of panic and shouting.

That recollection brought about a rush of anxiety as he remembered that detail, because Donatello and Leonardo had not been with them. If Raphael was this hurt, how bad off was Michelangelo? Dread began to grip at his mind, and as he wheezed against the pain he felt the tight grip of bandages around his torso. Something was also holding his left arm tightly to his plastron, and try as he might to move his head his neck would simply not obey. A cold compress lay across his eyes as well, taking away his much needed vision. Raphael wanted to cry out, but as he started to do so he heard a creak almost out of earshot.

"Who's there?" he asked, the first time he'd heard his voice all night. It was cracked, and his throat dry, as if he'd screamed himself horse earlier. Raphael couldn't remember having done so, and almost forgot his newly arrived company as he began to think back on what had happened once again.

As if to answer his question he felt a rush of wind in the room. Wherever he was, it wasn't in Donnie's lab, he knew that now. Beneath the cold compress on his eyes he was still able to slightly make out the shift in light as the door to his room had eased open almost silently. That meant candlelight, and that likely meant his bedroom. So he was well enough to be out of the main thoroughfare? What did that mean of Mikey though?

Raphael strained his ears to listen for footsteps and was slightly surprised to hear none, or at least it seemed like there were none. His worries eased significantly at this realization. None of Raphael's brothers, not even Splinter, was able to walk that silently except for one. Raph breathed a sigh of relief, breathing his brother's name at the same time.

"Mikey?"

Since he couldn't hear his brother's footsteps, he didn't know if he'd stopped his baby brother in his tracks or not. When he did hear Mike's voice however, Raphael was somewhat at a loss of how close and far away it sounded at the same time.

Man, Donnie had really done it with the meds this time.

"Hey bro," came the familiar vocal inflection from just above his shoulder. Raphael smiled and sighed again. Whatever had transpired over the past night had clearly not left his brother in too bad of a state. That, at least, was relieving. "How are you feeling?"

"About ten times better than I feel," he answered sarcastically. It eased his pain a little to hear his baby brother snicker. When nothing else was said, Raphael asked the obvious. "You okay?"

There was a strange delay in Michelangelo's response that left Raphael's throat tightened in a strange way.

"Yeah."

Raphael frowned.

"You sure?"

Slowly he started to reach around blindly to catch his brother's arm. Michelangelo offered it with more ease than he had expected, and Raphael gripped his palm tightly. There was no hint of bandages that he could feel underneath his own, so that at least was a good sign to take away from this.

"Yeah dude, just checking on you."

Raphael laughed with more bravado then he truly felt.

"You know me, nothing can get me down."

Mike chuckled sadly. "You're looking a little down right now, bro."

"Eh, give it a week. I'll be back up in no time."

"Promise?" Something cracked a little in Mikey's voice when he asked that. Raphael gripped his baby brother's hand tighter, wishing he could see his face right now.

"Promise."

They sat for a while in silence, simply being near each other being more than enough therapy for the both of them. Raphael focused on his breathing and tried to recall the events of the night. Slowly, pieces started to come back. He remembered being shot – of all things – and a deep knife wound in his left arm, probably hitting bone and definitely nerves. Something else was nagging at him though. He remembered Michelangelo being there, desperately trying to stop the bleeding in his plastron – the task proving more difficult than Mikey had been equipped to handle.

There was a flash, the clang of metal, the sound of ripping flesh. There was something else…but whatever it was, Raph couldn't place it.

"Mikey…what happened?"

His brother's cool hand gripped his tighter and he sighed.

"You were hurt, really bad," Mike's voice cracked again. "I wasn't paying attention. I'm sorry…I should have seen the gun."

A gun? That didn't fit the Foot-clan's MO.

"So Don was right then?" Raph asked, his drug-addled brain slowly putting obscure details together. It was like a paint by number where the numbers were all over the place, moving, and fuzzy – but he was slowly making it all out. "The Purple Dragons and the Foot are working together?"

"Seems that way."

"Just what we need." Raph tried to roll over to be able to face his brother even if he couldn't see him, but was stopped when a stabbing pain ripped through his upper body.

"Careful!" Mike snapped at him, pushing him back into place haphazardly. "You're not exactly in one piece again yet!" Raphael groaned and let himself be doted on by his baby brother for the time being. Mikey busied himself checking his brother's bandages and making sure the covers weren't irritating his wounds. "You look awful."

Raphael coughed, which pulled at all of the already overly tightened muscles in his body and wracked them just a little bit more.

"I feel like death," he wheezed, meaning it to be a joke.

Michelangelo's hand found his again and gripped it tightly.

"Not _that_ bad," he said with some encouragement. Raphael could hear the sadness in his baby brother's voice, and felt his heart lurch a little.

"It's not your fault," Raphael sighed after a little while. "Stop sounding like the world's ended."

Mikey chuckled. "Okay."

"That's better."

Raph sighed and allowed his grip to slip somewhat from Mike's hand. His baby brother let him ease in and out of consciousness for a bit before starting to talk. Typical Mikey, Raphael had to think to himself as Donnie's drugs took hold again. For what it was worth though, he wasn't going to complain.

As he lay only half listening to his brother's words Raphael's mind started to drift back to that night. Something was still missing…a major piece of the puzzle.

There were the gunshots, the knife, falling…blood…Mikey trying to stop the blood…more blood…where did it all come from? There was no way it was all his, was there? He drifted from consciousness for a bit and the memory began to slowly take form from the smoke of his addled brain.

Mike. Mikey had been hurt too.

He remembered now…there was bleeding…so much blood…and both were trying to help the other.

Raphael snapped out of his reverie, his hand tightening like a vice around Michelangelo's hand, causing his brother to cry out – more from alarm than pain.

"Mikey!"

"What?! What is it?!"

Shit, now he'd gone and scared him like an idiot. Way to go, Raphael. Give the poor kid a heart attack on top of everything else that's happened tonight.

"You…you _were_ hurt, weren't you?…are you okay? You're okay now, right?"

Michelangelo let out a long sigh. Damned if Raphael's frustration wasn't growing with his pain now.

"I'm here aren't I?"

"Yeah but…" Raph drifted back from past to present in an almost unrealistic stupor. He'd been holding Mikey, and Mikey had been pressing his hands against the gunshots in his own plastron. Something…was wrong. "You were hurt."

"It's okay Raph," Mikey shushed him soothingly, checking the cold compress and taking his brother's hand in each of his own cool ones.

"Scared…" Raph muttered. Damn it, Donnie's medications were too strong, he was starting to fall under again. He didn't want to sleep just yet.

"You don't have to be now Raphael, you're safe."

"You…" he mumbled… "_you_ scared me. Thought … I was gonna lose you…"

There'd been blood…so much blood, and those bright blue eyes had been so wide and scared…and determined.

Mikey's hands gripped his tighter. Raphael struggled desperately to cling to him tighter still.

"I'll always be here Raph,"

It was his turn now to sound choked up he guessed. Whatever, he could just blame it on Donnie's meds later.

"Promise?"

Mikey sniffled. Great, now they were both two idiots blubbering over each other. Raphael was suddenly thankful they were alone.

"Yep. No matter what, I'll always be with you."

Raph grunted. He wanted so badly to remove the compress from his eyes and look at Mikey, to see that he was okay before slipping into sweet nothingness for a few more hours.

It wasn't going to work. He could already feel himself slipping.

"Hey Raph,"

Runt had to get one more word in, huh? Damn, that kid was lucky Raphael loved him.

"Hmm?"

"I have to go."

"Mnnn rph."

He heard Michelangelo chuckle, but Raphael was not quite as amused. He was having trouble forming words when he wanted to speak. It was causing his wounds to flare up again, which only increased the difficulty he was having in doing…well, anything.

"Don't go…" he finally muttered successfully.

Raphael could feel the smile even though he couldn't see it. Damn him for being selfish and needy right now. Was it so bad to want his little brother to stay with him until he fell asleep?

"I have to, Raph. The guys are coming to check on you."

"So?"

There was a long pause. Raphael was not coherent in the least, with the exception of wanting Michelangelo to stay with him. His good arm gripped Mike's tighter and pulled him close into what he hoped was a - much less awkward than it seemed - one armed hug.

"I love you little brother."

Mikey's arms hesitated before wrapping themselves carefully around his big brother's frame. He was surprisingly weightless against the pain, and refreshingly cold against the heat of his wounds and candles in the room.

"I love you too, Raph. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," he mumbled, hoping Mikey was able to hear it more clearly than he was. The meds were giving his mouth a cotton-ball like affect, and his ears were beginning to feel like they were full of putty. He wasn't going to be conscious for much longer. "Just stay here with me, k?"

Mikey didn't answer, but very slowly curled into Raph's side – probably so as not to hurt him.

"Raph, I have to go."

Why did the kid keep saying that? He was like a freaking broken record! Were Donnie and Leo going to be that pissed that Mikey was in here bothering him? If so they could go to hell! They'd both nearly died tonight!

"Don't want you to…" he muttered, a very week and sleepy argument.

"You'll be okay."

Mikey slipped deftly out from beneath Raphael's arm, but sat himself at the edge of the bed.

"And you?"

"I'll be here."

"But you said you had to go." Raphael, king of the obvious – at least for tonight.

"Yeah…but I'll still be here."

"Not…_freaking_…making sense…"

He raised his one good arm and patted around until he found Mike's arm. His brother took his and gently eased it down into a resting position.

"It's okay," Mikey laughed. Was there a hint of sadness in that voice now? "You'll all be okay."

"You too…" Raph muttered, the sleepiness overtaking him. "All of us."

As Raphael slipped away into sleep he heard Michelangelo tell him goodnight…or was it goodbye? Damned cotton filled ears…he'd have to talk to Donatello about these damned drugs when he woke up.

A few hours later, Raphael was given his chance. He opened his eyes to find the compress gone, and a somber Donatello sitting over his bedside. His brother's expression brightened slightly at seeing Raphael awake, and immediately began to check his temperature and pupils.

"Welcome back to the world of the living, man," Donnie laughed. "How are you feeling?"

Raph started to say something but was interrupted by a wave of pain and a coughing fit. Donnie eased him out of it by offering him some strange blue liquid and assuring him it would help, but not knock him out. He'd been sleeping long enough and needed some nourishment, and that Leo would be in shortly with water and some crackers.

"What the hell happened?" Raph spat after regaining his composure.

Donnie's expression fell as he checked his brother's bandages.

"Nothing good. You were in pretty bad shape, almost didn't make it."

"Lucky me," Raphael sighed. "How's Mikey doing? He seemed okay when he came in here earlier."

Raphael fiddled around with his sheets and pillows a little as he spoke. When he finally got settled he turned to find Donatello staring deadpanned at him, his face ashen.

"What?" He croaked.

Raphael blinked.

"What?"

"Did you say … Mikey was in here earlier?"

"Yeah…" Raphael's brow furrowed in confusion. "Why, was he not supposed to? He seemed okay…was he not supposed to be up?"

"I must have really drugged you good," Donnie muttered, shuffling through some of the supplies he'd left on the side table.

It was at that moment that Leo slipped through the door, a tired smile on his face at seeing Raphael.

"Well good morning sunshine!" he mocked. "Got you your five star meal right here as requested per the doctor."

"Uh…thanks," Raph took the water and let Leo set the crackers down at his side for ease of access.

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired."

Leo nodded. "To be expected, better really considering…"

"Donnie told me it was pretty bad?"

His brother's gaze fell to the floor. "Yeah, we almost…" he trailed off, his words following his gaze into some unknown reverie.

Raphael was hesitant to ask with how Donatello had reacted. He didn't want to get Mikey in trouble…but he was too worried to wait. He figured he might as well ask, if Donatello already knew that was the worst of it as he would be the one delivering the lecture to Michelangelo afterward. _Sorry Mikey, _Raph thought to himself_, shouldn't have told me you were fine._

"So…where's Mikey?"

There wasn't much of a change in the atmosphere of the room as each of the brothers continued on with their usual habits. Raph frowned that there wasn't an instant update, and he felt himself grow frustrated quickly.

"Look, he was in here earlier talking to me, so just tell me. Was he really bad too? Did the idiot getting up to come check on me make him worse?"

That statement got Leo's attention, his gaze piercing into Raphael, dancing to Donatello – who was still avoiding both of their gazes – then back to Raphael with increasing severity.

"What was that?"

Raphael sighed. Damn, Mike really was going to be in trouble now. _Sorry, kid._

"Okay…don't yell at the kid…he was checking in on me. Came in here and was talking up a storm. I was half asleep but - "

"You were dreaming," Leo interrupted sharply.

Raphael was taken aback at the ferocity of Leo's response, so much so that he actually shrunk back in his pillows for a second.

"No Leo…look I'm sorry if he wasn't supposed to be up but he was in here."

"That's impossible," Donnie interjected this time. Raphael's gaze jumped from one brother to the other and back again. Neither was meeting his gaze, and Raph was starting to get angry quickly.

"What? Why? Wouldn't be the first time he did it! Or hell, any of us! Why are you so -"

"Stop!" Leo barked immediately, causing both of his brothers to jump.

"Jesus, Leo," Raph spat. "What's your deal?"

"Raphael…"

He was about to round on Donnie but something in his eyes made Raph stop instantly. The shock was gone, replaced by sadness.

"What?"

"Mikey…didn't….Mikey wasn't in here last night, Raph."

"But he was!" Raph didn't understand why they were having so much trouble with this. "Go ask him! Right now! Let's go! I'll come too! He won't lie if I'm there too."

"You can talk to him all you want Raph," Leo hissed. He had since left his chair and was now standing with their backs to them. His arms were shaking. "But he won't answer you."

"Damn it Leo, I - "

"Raph, Mikey didn't make it."

Those four words ripped all of the air from Raphael's lungs. Just hearing those words, whether he believed them or not, brought new wells of pain searing up inside of him. It wasn't obvious from the outside, his brothers simply believed him stunned, so Donnie kept talking.

"You were out by the time we found you. Mikey had been hurt bad, lying in your lap…he was … he was clotting the gun shot wounds in your chest while he bled out… he saved your life, Raph. We had to peel him off of you to treat him but it was too late. He'd lost too much blood…"

Donnie clearly couldn't say much more. Tears fell down his ashen face, but Raphael still wasn't hearing it.

"That can't be true…he was in here…I was talking to him! Not a few hours ago!"

"It was a dream, Raphael."

"NO!" he roared and ripped out of the bed. Uneasily he pushed past Donatello, catching himself on Leo who began to force him backwards again.

"Listen Raph, we wouldn't lie to you. Not about this! You have to believe us, because we're having enough trouble dealing with it without having worry about you going and doing something stupid now!"

"He can't be!" Raph heaved, tears beginning to well up in his eyes. "He told me he was okay!"

As Leo fought off his brother's weak attacks the bedroom door creaked open again. Raphael spun his head around, hopeful, but saw Master Splinter instead.

"What is this raucous?!" he snapped rather uncharacteristically. "Raphael! What are you doing up and out of bed? You should be resting!"

"Master Splinter…" he muttered, the disbelief still not leaving him just yet. He pushed past Leo, now given up, and dropped to his knees before his father. "Master Splinter…Mikey…is it true?"

The anger that was burning so brightly in his father's eyes moments ago suddenly subsided and sadness took its place. He heavily and shakily raised a clawed hand and placed it gently on his son's shoulder.

"My son…" he whispered, "it gives me no pleasure to inform you that your brothers are correct. Michelangelo saved your life, but lost his own on the way. So great was his love for you."

Raphael felt like the world had come to a screeching halt. He wasn't sure what it felt like to have a heart collapse in on itself, but he likened it to being very similar to what he was feeling now.

"But I don't understand," he heaved, choking back sobs and waves of newfound pain. "He was here, he talked to me!" Raphael looked to Splinter. "I felt him, heard him!"

Splinter offered up a sad smile to his son.

"As I said…Michelangelo's love was so great for you that he gave his own life to save yours. I would not be surprised that he came back to say goodbye."

Raphael curled into the floor, Splinter sitting along side him and allowing his son to rest his head in his lap, soothing him as they both wept. Leo and Donnie stood nearby, their own silence reflective of their deep grief at this loss.

"He loved you all so much," Splinter whispered. "Do not be angry at his loss. He would not want it. Instead live in the love he held for you, and rest knowing that he is still here even now, just in a new form."

Still sobbing, Raphael recalled the last thing Michelangelo told him. "I'll always be here,".

"_Promise?"_

"_Yep. I'll always be with you, Raph."_

"_I love you little brother."_

"_Love you too, Raph."_


End file.
